Frequent Travel

I am not here to rent
or to build castles in the wind
my soles sore
leaving behind defeated wars
seeking shelter
as my soul
not simple yet an open door
turning scars to wall art
for visitors to see yet not touch
I could not rush
to have just an autograph

when there is so much more to uncover
layers of old paint 
to win a new color
shades of grey, I escape
a color of heart on my brush
I await to start
 a tapestry of truth

6 degrees of seperation

As exhaustion lays me down
wary of my past
dragging the anticipating present
I have shed off all I could
but my thoughts refuses to depart
leaving me empty to draw a new face
a dream emerge to a reality to last
crime of wrong time, wrong place,
while I'm innocent
of all, but what I push to erase
aghast by death
while life in me cries to breath
how to separate this pain
uniting all borders within me
pushing away hands trying to reach me
unworthy I am to this kindness
escaping a cold war
while hot blood gushing on my backstreet
covering my last footsteps
that is roaming other countries
searching another home
it is all borrowed
it is all for sale
it is all hollow
without my love
for it's all, I long for and ever quest.

Eclipse

I’ll try

Once more

To knock on your door

Just to make sense

Call it gullible innocence

Revived by my heart

While I cry

In mourning what shot down before

 it could reach the sky

Landing corpse on the floor

I refuse to believe

other than your words

despite of the action’s hurt

turning me away broken & sore

my soul refuses to bury

my truth

at your feet it lies

while shovel is in your hand

I’m wary

hoping it will build instead

I await

For you to sing a different lullaby

And read me with patience a child’s story

Instead of a dismissing goodbye

22 Oct

Lego city

city of sin
where do I begin
to raise my cases of hit & run
map-less ..choking it in
I'm swollen, I'm bruised
by careless bursting balloon. constantly stung

leaving me dazed & confused
who is my next of kin
maiming my limbs
with fake embraces
cold as your brand new bricks
plastic faces
stale with greed
disintegrating human creed
all wanting more
by being less
I refuse
hating to rest
in an expensive dress
but attracting feelings that are cheap

Pollution

Your words roll in your confusion

Your  logic is mentally ill

Sense & sensibility designed to kill

My time you waste 

with your long practiced delusion
always in an ego ignorant haste

Drum your hum

Perfection pragmatic
oblivious and numb

there is no solution

for someone that dogmatic 

I'm constantly stumped

by your thoughtless trivial intrusion!

رسالة تنبض آهات

رسالة تبكيها موسيقى الألات

تتحاذف ألمها النوتات

أيقظت فيّ تلك الذات

آتية من بحر الظلمات

لا ..سأعيد الكتابة من جديد

لا أريد بيوتا تزينها التنميق

ولا فلسفة لغة ملكناها ببساطة التنهيد

ملأنا تاريخنا بكل شيء ليس فينا

لا يشبه أي منا

ولم نفقد عن كلانا الطريق

لم يورد سؤال أو جواب

به تبرير بليد

 أو منطق عميق

غرقنا

طوفنا

أمتنا ..بعثنا

ألف مرة

وصرحنا به حبا

يبكي قهرا عليه أي شهيد

رغم جميع القصص

التي جمعناها لنملأ به رفوفنا

لا يزل هذا الجوع

هذا الفراغ

بكل ما بقي فينا

عنيد

you were my act of kindness
karma of an impulsive soul
a tiny light in a hall of darkness
taking turns, a dance and a fall
In the midst of the dance
I let go of your hand
for it to reach me in turn

to understand the madness
of innocense not making sense
 the pain is eternal
I have loved you
I have lost you
and you only loved that I did
and only hated that I did
it was never about us
I have laid out my pride
fo you to protect
still, you didn't understand
you letting go of my hand
was jailing me in this memoir
of the last words said
the ones that hurt the most
scarring my skin
tired of empty penance, painfully aware
a living dead
yearning to leave as far
to silence where words sieze to hurt
where action don't leave me bare

still teaching me that my act of kindness
was only a karma of broken sentiments
we had lived a different memory
that's my condolence of forgiveness.

So serene

that ocean scene

beneath the velvet surface

torn between

to realize what it means

a wave to crush 

or an endless stream
I can only float
on this simple thought
under your summer sun
away from the clock
and into your timeless dream

Let's try this dialogue

simple and fresh

unlike your pretentiousness 

a scoreboard to compare

unlike your childish truth or dare

I'm too aware

to drag this game 

just so you can hide your shame

blowing balloons in your name 

as if that is all it needs to take

cheap candles on my own birthday cake 

make a wish?

to my soul

underneath it all, it is a wake

this is only a sacrifice 

for your stolen glory

you have no clue

how I can rewrite the story

undo all these twisted ribbons of pink & blue!
a gift for life 
is at stake!

you  fill me with hate
a twisted logic
a strenuous weight
it is manic
 I can not wait
to erase this toxic waste
it used to be comic
now it's poisonous fate
resigned & frantic
to save myself
not too late
from your constant fake panic
no, I won't hesitate

I wish my words can follow my thoughts
and throw a net of immersion to every sentiment
a poem of some delicate float
against my soul in its own predicament
in the midst of life randomness
littering  my senses
drawing with a pencil my abode
while growing thickness
to my heart walls
I relentlessly pierce holes
for love scarce fine art
weary of replicas constant erode

I don't have to be away
to miss what will become yesterday
these gifts of serendipity
giving me home when I feel astray
and I wish to state it all on my skin
precious felicity
not to be sailing within
while melancholy's ships stay at bay

It was not by intention

to lose comprehension 

not to mention

the blow in my heart ignition

shattered my recognition

of what's been an empty truth of hungry imagination

it's a sad.. sad situation

never mind my pure inclination

this mad self-conviction
& unhealthy infatuation
the same old revelation
in need of a consolation
a haven for inspiration
away from this life intoxication
long dream incubation
it is time for emancipation 

how odd is it?
to have this skill
of perfecting the kill
and fill your drawers of papers
empty of faces
but of numbers to fill
how odd is it?
sleeping with this stench
in your fingertips
flipping through dead emptiness

who lost who?
does it matter?
I trusted this feeling
& this feeling let me down
should have I known better?
just another bore of a story
nothing extraordinary
unlike my dancing feet
stumped over & over by defeat
no pain.. no glory
it was too much
then it wasn't enough
blinded by the rush
or awakened by the fall
I have hit the same wall
which makes it all
too cliche, I find
too truth condescending
too wrong to fight through
disappointment never ending
hurtfully right to simply leave behind

All them words
we spoke
we heard
that made us laugh
that made us hurt
you help me pick them up
from the trees of my mind
still help me see where I am blind
from all the tears I have shed of missing you
although you have left my side
the hardest penalty
in this game of life
beaten by my own pride
all I'm guilty of
everytime..I run & hide
from how perfect
from how distorted
just because I couldn't just be
learning it the hard way
with every fall, with every stride
a new lesson I write to your name
lifting little by little the pain
and learning  love
again
and again

how can I be free
replace doubt with glee
when you freeze yourself with me
step back and lock
leaving me stuck
no flow to follow
but my inner fear
that this is only a stop by
you were never really near
that crude..rude notion
downsizing my emotion
acting with words
for me to read too bold
returning receipt
just before it gets sold
I wish I could zero back
instead of this poor filled rack
jokes aside
dreams aside
how did we side track?

haven't you heard
my silence weeping
mourning emotion's sweeping
gunned down by your hasty bullet words
and I'm choked..choked on love smeared with hurt
awaiting the night to fall
where I can start my own domestic cleaning
wiping it all ..
wishing for morning sun
dry enough to burn this mildew off my wall
and I'm able to stretch every wrinkle in my heart
where sadness run & hide
playing seek in my head
while wishes try to dry clean my bed
for a new night with a new moon
announcing all these monsters dead

Still waiting to love you

As the night whispers

Still dreaming to awaken to your voice

the morning rejoice

all the music notes heard

felt

away from you

cut into the soul

with lingering questions

how do we not fall

always walking in others' shoes

when will we walk in ours?

leaving behind these blues

my feet tired of dancing alone

reshaping away from yours

on grass and stone

when did we miss our choice?

Can we claim back in heaven

What we miss in earthy hour

Human shell broken

Human hell token

Why do you make it hard

Put me in a corner

I too not able to sustain

To refrain

needing to forsake this pain

Love has many shapes

Sometimes I’m too enraged

No one to blame

Still I do

When my hand holds yours

in Friendship zone

Love has many ways

Can’t you see

Comfortable it is because we can just be

Without being ordinary

sitting on a thorn

locking friendship into a cage

I never want this to change

Replace it with awkwardness

Just because you are true

You know I am too

But you keep beating the truth black & blue

Like fireworks

Too loud

Too colorful for this simple sky

Having joy just being simple

when I'm no longer wise nor a fool

but complicatedly misunderstood

Traces

My welcomed abuse

my eternal muse

I've learnt heaven's mercy

through your cold silence

a hidden bruise

showcase of color hues

painting my void

empty places

bleeding in your distance

wasting time

tracing faces

unlike mine

in your presence

a recurring dream

divorcing conclusion

to sleep with a warm illusion

escaping the cold reality of you

Rewind & repeat

repeat..repeat

a perfect lie

a perfect cheat

this is your stamp

of individuality

another false receipt

of another counterfeit

not even a pity for you

a prayer rejects at your dirty feet

through your horrid darkness

my God still finds a heartbeat

Unforgiven

you make me retreat

from my own skin

burying within

everything sweet

turning it to sin

My silence

deafening

shutting down

your forged existence

I only understand what you cause me to feel

and I feel alone

needless of your constant failed attempts

a reverse contribution to my truth

which I'm now bound

I'm no longer obliged to be your clone

in any name

for any game

ashamed

of my gullible acceptance

realization too profound

what it is now worthy to mourn

you tell me you will forsake this wonder

still pursuing a greater cause

but still not expecting me to pause

my soul to protect yet from another blunder

you leap and I should take the fall?

leaving my safe wall

to wander between random lightning & aimless thunder

place my trust….my being

for words

as I’ve never before heard

forever healing hurt

eternally bleeding

these dreams keep leaking

turning me cold un-needing

joking…choking ?

this train of thought is broken

your waves causing me dizzy spill

a tale so predictable to tell

saying goodbye same chapter of hello

I have rage for silence to ponder

sick of playing a repeated role

my existence is not intended for your goal

or my dreams to pause or my faith to halt

until you figure what is yours

pushing me to feel what you won’t

trust & faith in this unknown

sliding doors

Apart ready with a departing bag

together carving names in stone

can it be anything but sad

I wish I had never known..

Empty bang

what goes around comes around

words so profound

what could you have found

in your own reflection

any shred of satisfaction

your blood line by it will be bound

it will boomerang

every girl with a broken soul had sang

it may not show today

but you're just a record

of an abused yesterday

tomorrow will be your hound

sniffing your joyless bones

scattered without a warm home

as the broken hearts you buried behind

I thought I could do this

I thought I could hush

despite the rush

All the doubt

Lurking inside of me

The price is too high

to jump without a parachute

just target practice

for you to perfect to shoot

I had better to understand such

hiding in secrets untold

a perfect thief too bold

It is never enough

I’m not yet that numb

Even though bruised by dream undone

It takes death to see

the kind of memories you leave behind

I wish I'm able to replace this shame

no one here is to blame

but me

now in my own dug grave repenting

a kitsch

how simple

you are

how cliché

to call that a victory

legacy of a rogue

escaping with your false manhood

hiding between your legs

claiming something you misunderstood

as if you have the ability to judge

between what’s not worthy

and what is good

while you were the one

that keep failing the test

cutting loose your own climbing rope

your escapades to reach the highest

to be as far away from your lows

Tip of the pit

it was sweet

it was intense

now I'm using the past tense

since my defeat

with myself

regressing as human

losing every sense

feast for fasting souls

never enough

I retreat

death was the rude awakening

making the rest numb

I was never the one

nor you

it was a silly game for two

I have so much to say

after a sour play

yet my letters are dry

like the floor beneath your feet

an offense

unforgiven

I pray for burning sun

to end this delusion

self inflicted confusion

this time I'm bare

from any self defense

coming undone

the last of her

the beginning of me

and a final goodbye

your kiss was at the right moment..

"friends" that "feel" for each other?

but never dare

to cross lines as you say

to cause hurt unintended

as it can go both ways

I fail to make the distinction

maybe I'm too self righteous

dwelling on minor intervention

if your feelings were too strong not to stop

then reality shows up the next day to bite

although it was too good you say

causing my soul to drop

& you try to tell me it did not mean as much

or was it, should not?!

with that crossing the lines I could not handle or could

might cause a wedge

too big to jump

break a bridge

too deep to fall in stumbling on this bump

and you would rather scratch me off your wall

replacing me with your own comfort

I looked too sweet and like a bee

you couldn't turn away

but still your heart didn't fall

how is that fair?

to me?

to you?

to the time you keep hiding behind

wanting it to be your best friend instead

while leaving me to the cold condescend

a "caring" question if I'm ok?

while it was you who is not!

how would it be if the table was turned?

would you have felt the same burn

the stinging of the tears I wept

wishing you have never asked

wishing you had let it be unsaid

ruining a perfect moment in its simplicity

painting my clear blue sky red

it is ok for you to leave me wonder

while you ponder on how tactful it should be

energy a waste

it was a blow the second you asked

maybe it was a leftover from my sad past

all I knew

I had to take the best route

just be understanding as a friend

locking the rest in this box

what went wrong or right?

what was the fight?

to win me or lose yourself?

I fail

I fail to understand

your soft choking hand

loving me

& raping me instead

haven't realized yet

my rain wept

dried

leaving me this trail

in forsaken's love empty land

my only light

what's mine to command

not for you to steal

with few words

never enough

to grow

to have it glow

a sun in our bed

and I fear

to crave

your silence

a canvass to weave in my head

mistaking its truth

hunger blind

eating splinters instead of bread

I don’t know what it is

I don’t care what will be

For you it takes a moment

To bloom life inside of me

And all the words we spoke

In the stillness of the dawn

That started sunsets

We have never known

You make it seem easy

Just to sit back and say nothing

Like finally Silence is holding nothing against me

Won’t I choose to hold you against this world

I care much

carrying no worry

For time to rush

For dreams to hurry

Call it what it is

though no need to call it at all

is it a wonder

seeing green in cracks in a hard wall

every thing aches

from vein to vein

this is winding me insane

I'm in the middle

of nowhere

a clown in hearts funfair

covering my pain

with all paints of color

I hum ..I howl ..I shudder

shaking off this despair

these chains

you spin

not knowing your wall

I will drag them with me

in this fall

bury under

without your name

choking on shame

a martyr

in your losing game

في كثير من الأحايين يعتريني إيمان

بأنني عندما قررت الهرب من رحم أمي

كنت فد قصصت حبل السرة حتى قبل الولادة

لا أنفك عن الرحيل

عن الهروب

عن البحث عما قد يشبهني أو النقيض

كي أستبدل ما يقبع في الذاكرة

و في الأوردة

وأن أعيد تعلم أنشودة لوطن ما

كم احترفت النسيان

وفن الرقص

ليطغى على وجع النبض

رحالة تجمع قصاصات

من ملامح حب

وأطياف جميع المشاعر المتتاثرة

عبثا هنا وهناك

كفوضى الحرب

7 February 2012

أسئلة صغيرة

لم أخترك و لم تخترني مشاعر تأبى عن تكف عن النبض

رغم بلادة الظروف

رغم حزن المواقف

رغم الأمن الخائف في سياسة الرفض

وزيف المألوف

وجميع العوائق

كم مؤلم أن يتواجد الصدق عند عبث الجدوى

وأن يجهض الأمل قبل أن تلتقى قبلة

كوطني البعيد الفريب

كاملا بجهلي له كسراب

أجدد معرفتي به بترتيق التفاصيل

عطر قديم بالحزن عابق

كعينيك

تناديان حنانا يعتريني دون منطق

ليكبل خجلا مشدوها عند بابك

وأقرأ في يديك خرائط

لجبال خطوتها كعلو كبريائي

وأسألها عنك

كم لك بعد أن تمضي هكذا

في كل طريق شائك؟

28 January 2012