eleven...twelve...thirteen

minutes of what I have seen

a blank wall while I fall

in a confession of an obsession

in the cubicle of the obscene

between warm skin and concrete

breathing not to scream

hushing senses to have a second

to feel what it means

while my demons felt sorry for my angels

knowing where they all have been

still here against the odds

still against defeat

and yet I wasn't there

like somewhere in between

and you couldn't see me I swear

I had my face facing every memory

kind & mean

the face you pushed away

maybe so it would be easier not to recall

then call on to glimpse some fire

caught up in your dialogue

not hearing my chocked silence

how words can pull

how words can push

and I had only my cold wall

while

the skin soft

& the whisper smooth

hush...I prayed to this rush...this isn't me..

please ..let be that this isn't you.

Bloodshed

screams outside my head

standing on the border

neither alive nor dead

I’ve been numb

For me not to feel anyone

more than they do themselves

I’ve been dumb

Giving more to everyone

Than to my own true self

Every tear I shed

Is enough for a water bed

Making me see sick

Vomiting every word I’ve said

Now I’m empty from all my wants

Full of holes caused by  greed

Void of faith

breaking webs of lies & deceit

I’m everywhere

For me not to be here

I’m everyone

Not too far neither too near

When reality is too ugly

For me to hear

I choose my own antidote

A nobody or a somebody

With all the wrong colours

Unaccepted by any creed

Truth has always been misused

Why should I expect just for once

 any different deed!  

نقطة

نقطة بداية السطر
أنهيت بها عمر..
لأبدأ ولادتي بين ندف الثلج 
بعيدا عن تلك الشمس القديمة وذلك القمر
وأصرخ بأغنية فرح
تخلو من موال قهر
نقطة بعد نقطة
استطرد فيها حاضر 
لا يتذكر من الموت خبر
لا يتأرجح بين وجع يأس
من انعدام خيار في وجهات السفر
نقطة تبدأ دون خوف
عارية من أعباء الجهل
تتوق للرقص تحت المطر
نقطة
تسجل فيها محاولة أخيرة
حتى لا يكتب اسمي على الشاهد
حلما انتحر

stateless being

Leap of faith
In the unknown
To follow fate
Far from all that I have roamed
Searching for that magic glue
Curing me to not hesitate
Put back all broken pieces inside
Seperate from what is a lie and true
I have forgotten my own
Speeding my stride
Fearing being late
Now I'm far from whom that watered my soul
Feeling dry like I've lost it all
Why must I tear pages to rewrite my tale
Only to face how I fail
Time and time again
I punish myself
Maybe for not knowing more
How to live in the present
Until it is too late
My clock is always off
Either stuck in the past
Or stumbling on the future
I'm mad..I'm sane
A human constantly in pain
Falling for dreams while wide awake

Phoenix

Shut me out
From my own voice
I’m Battered…
Have I lost choice?
Of all what has mattered..
I’m left hallow
Skeleton of wounds
Suffocating, lonely & shallow
Easily falling, silently shattered 
Collected by doubt
Yet still here
Breathing, 
Something in me needing to lash out
Tired of this circle
Turning wheel in same place
I must face
I am not to waste
I can, I am able to rejoice!

Frequent Travel

I am not here to rent
or to build castles in the wind
my soles sore
leaving behind defeated wars
seeking shelter
as my soul
not simple yet an open door
turning scars to wall art
for visitors to see yet not touch
I could not rush
to have just an autograph

when there is so much more to uncover
layers of old paint 
to win a new color
shades of grey, I escape
a color of heart on my brush
I await to start
 a tapestry of truth

6 degrees of seperation

As exhaustion lays me down
wary of my past
dragging the anticipating present
I have shed off all I could
but my thoughts refuses to depart
leaving me empty to draw a new face
a dream emerge to a reality to last
crime of wrong time, wrong place,
while I'm innocent
of all, but what I push to erase
aghast by death
while life in me cries to breath
how to separate this pain
uniting all borders within me
pushing away hands trying to reach me
unworthy I am to this kindness
escaping a cold war
while hot blood gushing on my backstreet
covering my last footsteps
that is roaming other countries
searching another home
it is all borrowed
it is all for sale
it is all hollow
without my love
for it's all, I long for and ever quest.